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i'd mAke an uGly bOi

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Rain on my Window [23 Apr 2009|02:53am]
I hate LJ and all the things I've told it.  But at least the rain sounds pretty...

Also.  My feet are cold.



Over and out Sparky... or whatever that man from Star-Trek is called
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ordinary people [14 Sep 2008|03:06pm]
yeo. Livejournal. lolololol pigeons.
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anyone remember this? :) [23 Mar 2008|06:00pm]

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Change. It's Enevitable? [14 Oct 2007|12:01pm]
In my inbox this morning was an email from Faceparty. Wow. That goes way back. So seeing as I signed on to that for the first time in over a year, I thought Id leave a little post here (as it seems to be only ricky and ruth posting) :)

The amount of change I my life recently has been intense. Sometime unbearable. Im not one for change but im somehow managing. I really wasnt looking forward to the transistion from school to uni, but meeting the amazing people I did and keeping an open mind about things really helped. That wasnt a problem at all. I think im gonna like Art College :)

Its the change with family circumstances that worries me now. With the death of a family member only last night, I dont know what will happen, what part in this crazy performance called "Life" I will be given to play. Can I just be a bystander or will I have to be something more? Something stronger?

Perhaps, in the end change isnt all that bad. It's the arduous journey to that final destination of ultimate change that picks out the strong to help the weak get through. Thats the hardest.

I just hope this isn't the first of many.
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... [07 May 2007|12:40am]
[ music | Mr. Ben. E. King- Stand by Me... from the movie. ]

ha...

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Arent I soso cool!!!??...not. [15 Jan 2007|10:42pm]
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2006 [04 Jan 2007|12:58am]
[ music | lonestar-amazed (i can hear it from ma's pc downstairs!) ]

I was all for making a big mad update about 2006. but now, I dont think i will. just a quickie instead.
2006 was a year which seen me really grow up (sadly) I feel more confident, more responsible and more sure of what I want from life. All i need now is the nerve to follow through. Like anybody else, I've had ups and downs... ins and outs, but came out of the other side with closer friends, new experiences and better ambitions. A few downs to 2006 would have to be the fact I seem to have 'drifted' away from some friends. I never believed what an adult told me about 7 years ago, "friends my come and go but families forever". I always thought "nah, nothing will ever change. I'll always be friends with the same people!" but wow. how wrong could I be? This time 7 years ago, everything was perfect. It was just as it should be. and now a divorce, agruments, physical fights, depression, prison and bucketfuls of twinkling tears later my world, as i knew it that long time ago has been turned completely upside down. and would I change it?... well honestly, I would definatly change parts of it. Not all of it, or i wouldnt be the person I am today. I would take out the heartache suffered within this house, especially my mums. And the overheard words Hannah and I had to endure during the breakup. I would take away the pain one family caused the other. but this is all very unrealistic. Even if I could have predicted the future back then, it would have still been impossible to cease such distress. In the past year, my emotional being has been like a rollercoaster with my attitutes towards different relationships being affected constantly and me, not knowing what i want from them, has just 'stuck in there'. Lets hope 2007 is a year where I will be able to stick up more for myself in arguments. The new year also got off to a bit of a rocky start for me as I was quite ill on the 1st. Im rarely ill to the point of throwing up, so when this hit me, it hit me hard! having to sit down! on escalders, leaning against anything that would take my weight and eventually vomitting what was bascially air was pretty tough going. It only lasted a day, so thats ok i guess :)
I can tell this year in school... well whats left of it, is going to be super tough going. not really looking forward to that. I dont think i'll do well in my exams. (just a feeling) another thing 2007 brings on a year of change for me. in September, i'll hopefully be doing a foundation course in Art in either the Uni of Ulster, Bifhe or Limavady :/ (eek! means i'll have to move out!!)

So, if you had the opportunity to find out what will happen to you in 2007, would you take it? Or just leave it to fate?

oh, and another thing... I dont like being told to "fuck off" even if you may claim you meant it in a jokey way, I was only trying to help.

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[03 Jan 2007|05:14pm]
I didnt know, until today, that it was physically possible to burn a pound of mince by trying to defrost it!!
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[03 Jan 2007|06:11am]
its 6.10am... why am i still awake!!! the internet is the biggest waste of time.
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dissappointed [29 Dec 2006|01:31am]
ha! stupid "the little mermaid 2" its poo.
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[24 Dec 2006|05:12pm]
6 hours 45 minutes to go. excited?
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listen to that rain. its beautiful. [26 Nov 2006|11:19pm]
[ music | which is in my head: imogen heap-hide and seek ]

Is there such thing as a perfect Christian?
...I think not.
Define 'perfect'. you cant. its impossible. everyones perception of something that is 'perfect' is different.
whats your perfect night in?
whats your perfect night out?
whats your perfect partner?
whats your perfect day? -- theres a song, "its such a perfect day, im glad i spent it with you" (with who?)

anyway. my point. is. that. i was at a youth night at a friends church tonight. and it was well... brilliant! i really enjoyed it. the church band is excellent! and well yeah. There was a short sketch about 2 guys. Ricky and... amm someone. Anyway, it was about paying your 'bill of sins' and the sketch showed that no-one is perfect. not the christian who had sinned. but on his 'bill' his said something like You are the blood of christ and for that you are forgiven. so because he was saved his bill had already been paid in full... but rickys bill was about 20 pages long. maybe that doesnt fully make sense? or do what im trying to say any justice. but it was just a great simple sketch showing how no one is perfect.

If i have kids, id want them to be brought up with some knowledge of religion. Being brought up in quite religous circumstances for the first several years of my life (maybe a decade?) i think it did me the world of good. i met so many people back then. who i remember. and still see sometimes. im even still friends with a girl i used to go to sunday school with. Having that extra knowledge can really open your eyes a little bit more, and give you so many more opportunites. Thats what i think Hannah missed out on. I dont think she ever went to sunday school. man, i remember going into sunday school with a broken arm and everyone asking questions. we were sitting in really tiny seats around a table. colouring in pictures in this freezing cold, churchy smelling room. and i had to sit a certain way, or on a certain side of the table because of my arm, and i needed to be able to put it up on the table with alot of space. that was the time mum drew the little mermaid on my cast. it rocked. i still have it :)
I also remember losing a tooth in a different room, slightly older this time, during sunday school. and everyone had to make a chain and walk across the room, arm in arm searching the ground for my tooth. we later came to the conclusion i had swallowed it :/ gross.

I guess having a heathen father didnt help my church discipline when i was younger.
Fair enough, i didnt agree with some things that were done tonight in this church. I wasnt in complete and utter awe. But i felt... at ease. I enjoyed myself. which is strange cause normally i dont, any time i had to go to a church, but those churches were very.. traditional. this one had more of a modern aproach, and yet it was full of golden oldies :) they must be doing something right.

ive just ate a packet of smarties (which now contain WHITE smarties, get that!!) and im going to sleep without rebrushing my teeth. oooh rebel!

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BYE! [19 Nov 2006|11:45pm]
NIGHTY NIGHT ALL!
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psychology question for anyone who wants to try :) [11 Nov 2006|12:56pm]
okay... QUESTION for anyone and everyone to answer:...
if anyone gets the right answer it will tell me something about you... that maybe you or no-one elses knows!!
Two sister were at their dads funeral... one sister fell madly deeply in love with a strange man who turned up to pay his last respects. the sister and the man spent the next 2 weeks incomplete bliss with eachother. but at the after 2 weeks... the man dissappeared without saying goodbye.  the love sick sister then killed her own sister... why?
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'c'mon make a move on me' [04 Nov 2006|02:33am]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | bodyrox - yeah, yeah, yeah ]

laura ashlee, laura ashlee... LAURA ASHLEE!!!! we need to do something :( :( :(

...okay, so i feel like a little bit of an update, like i need a little bit of a rant. but i dont think i could be bothered. i need to pee. hang on lj!!! dont go anywhere! stay RIGHT where you are. brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrb!..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................back!!! haha!! thats how long it took me to pee!!! :) okay, overshare? sorry. right. oh yeah, i just thought there was a spider crawling over my arm. but it was just abit of black fluff :/

ooooooooooooooookay. so yeah, i havent seen laura <3 or ashlee <3 in ages :(... well ashlee... i seen eariler today, but only for like 2 seconds!! and laura... since glasgow!!!! NO!? yous need to tell me about your recent holidays.
i feel depressed. too much work to do, so little time and many distractions.
i feel confussed... am i hungry. am i not?.. hehe okay... so my confussion consists of much more serious matters than that.
i feel hurt... let down. hmmm... that happens alot actually.
i HATE when people are sexist. happened to me today. grrr!!!
and i hate... detest! HATE with a bloody passion, when its someone i care about who makes me feel this way, or is sexist. did i mention, that happened to me today.

i feel like crap. think im getting 'sars' again. man, does anyone remember when i was convinced i was getting or had sars?... maybe not. maybe that was just a personal, inside joke only i remember.

....yep! i definately AM hungry.

and cold.

someone feed me :(
someone keep me warm
...cause our heats off.

oh yeah, new bodyrox song.... ROX! gimme a month and i'll be bored of it. gimme 2 months and i'll forget it ever existed.

ooooh itchy hand.

we need to talk.

im cold.
wow. what a random update.

...hey, am i on drugs?

YOU THINK YOU GOT IT ALL WORKED OUT!
BUT YOU DONT KNOW NOTHING nothing noTHING!
YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN RUB ME OUT
BUT IM MADE OF SOMETHING something... someTHING!

wOOOOOOOOOOw! hannah was right. that video is dirty! YOU WERE RIGHT HANNAH!

aww dirty pop track, push it in and pull it back, am i glamour pussing it?
see if you can top that!

right im away.... YEAH OH YEAH OH!
cheerio.... YEAH OH YEAH OH!!!! ...cant even remember half the stuff i wrote up there... 'hey, is this thing on?.... I LOOOOVE ROCK'N ROLL... so put another dime in the jukebox BABY!'

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[28 Sep 2006|04:36pm]
AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaaAaaAaaAaaAaAaaAAAaAaAaaAaAaAaAaAaAaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grr...!
I
HATE the bitchyness of an all girls school!!!!!!!
Why do girls nit-pic on other girls appearences? that has to be the lowest ever form of insult. its horrible! its uncalled for! its stupid! its irritating! its never the truth. it could be a comment which takes 3 seconds to say but lasts the length of a lifetime. Comments about facial features really hit people where it hurts, even if it was meant as a joke, some 'friendly banter' they might start to feel insecure about it.  
"okay, they said it as a joke, but is that what they really think?" we all strive to much to 'fit it' ive to say, im guilty of wanting to feel accepted also. its a fact of life
nobody wants to be lonely. right? we all have friends... why? I dont get it. girls who are different in school... or maybe a little quiet are left out of things, made fun of.  Its only when i started talking to a particular girl everyday this year, did she find her feet a little. she comes and sits with us at lunch now, there at break. i've heard people saying her name more. ive seen people engage in conversation with her, which i rarely saw last year and never saw this year. UNTIL  someone talked to her, made others notice her. it makes me really angry how some people wont try to like others.  this girl is brilliant, shes funny and probably one of the nicest most genuine people there to talk too.
this whole thing about girls being genuine is another thing which annoys me. 1 girl does the whole church thing, claims to be a christian all into God, yet she sits there somedays, making fun of everyone who comes within sniffing distance of her.  Ive heard her call people names she makes fun of 1 girl in particular and again, this girl is a really nice girl to talk to, a little insecure, and lack confidence. but no wonder!!! if no-one attempts to talk to her, if they make fun of her. this is her 7th year in the school... im sure shes heard some of the remarks. ive been there for 1year and 1 month, ive heard them all. But i just dont think thats a very 'christian' thing to do? correct me if im wrong? but i just dont understand people like that.  if thats how the church is representing itself these days... then im really glad i dont go to church.  people like that would really turn people away from the church completely! maybe im not emphasising how bad it actually is, thats because i just dont know how to with out using my hands.  im not ridiculing christianity... but religion. sometimes people bend the bible to suit them.
im beinging to find my own feet in arguments now. although, i dont like it. im not gonna change, ive never really stuck up for myself, but today i exploded at someone. and it kinda upset me. well i say 'kinda' ...i had to run out of the room quite quickly.
AND! another thing (wow, livejournals great for offloading things!) i cant stand inconsiderate people. im trying my best and they just knock me right back down to the ground again.

...i think i need to lie down. expect more of this soon... school is really getting to me. im sure alot of that didnt make sense. but i feel slightly better. thanks for listen lj! :)
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[14 Sep 2006|06:51pm]
[ music | Kasabian - Empire ]

STOP!!! 
I said its happening again!!
We're all wasting away!

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i cant help but find things to distract me! [13 Sep 2006|06:42pm]
[ music | the feeling - some song... ]

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[07 Sep 2006|06:35pm]
...i got complaimented on my boobs today... :/ 
...the U.U was impressive
...i made FOUR new friends!

i think im really gonna like university life!
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just because i have work to do? [06 Sep 2006|07:07pm]
i have a sudden urge to go on the trampoline :/
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